Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
