I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
