So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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