Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
