Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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