I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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