We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
