when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
