I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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