One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
