She is in my trunk
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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