I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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