That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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