I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize