I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
