just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
