***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
