Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
