There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the condom got lost in my hair
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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