so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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