it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
