I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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