How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
