whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
