I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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