i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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