I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
