i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
