i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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