I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
