well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
