If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize