I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize