There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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