my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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