Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
