I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
