my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
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hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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