matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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