Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
