im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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