Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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