I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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