I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
