don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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