She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
