the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
