If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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