I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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