he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
