I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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