After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
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Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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