1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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