i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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