So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
