Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
