Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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