So drunk its hurt
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
