My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
