I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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